Abracadabraaaa

I'm sort of stuck right now.

I'm stuck on the fact that I don't know what I want anymore.
I'm stuck on the fact that I don't know if things are ever going to change.
I'm stuck in the past.
I'm so stuck in the past, that it's preventing me from seeing the future clearly.

Anybody who knows me knows that, if I don't have a plan, I obsess over that until I MAKE one.

First of all, I don't have a plan.
Second of all, why do I need a plan anyways?

I can't plan my life out. I can't change what happened, or make other things happen. If I could, things would be different. But they're not. So, brain, let's move forward.

Let's move on from the fact that you can't decide what you want, let's move on from juggling everything, and trying to figure out why people want what they can't have. Why people end up with just the WRONG person. The wrongest person there ever could be. (She's it)

Am I allowed to do that? Because if I could, I'd pair you up with someone else.

POOF! POW! WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM!


..you have a new partner, and it's not HER.

Hi, I'm Whitney... Nice to Meet You.

I don't think I've actually written a blog since the MSN spaces back in the day. I used to attempt to write a journal (diary sounds childish), but I've since given up on that. I'm too busy, too forgetful, and too much of a perfectionist to deal with the stress of writing my thoughts down religiously everyday. Besides, half the fun is reading what other people think about what I think (I think? haha)

Today, I feel like half the people I used to talk to, I don't anymore and the other half of the people I know, I don't really know. I'm sooo tired of holding onto facades and I'm over it. I'm a take-it-as-you-see-it kind of girl in a superficial world and I honestly can't keep up anymore. If you don't like me, then have a nice life. Stop reading this right now, because you shouldn't care what I think.

I have this fascination with the perfect moment, missing chances, and what ifs. Parts of my past I can't shake. I can't shake what could've happened, or things I've said that I regret. I know everyone's all "no regrets" these days, but that's horseshit. Everyone has regrets, but are too pussy to admit to the fact that you can't change anything that happened... This includes me at times. Regrets, missing chances, missing moments, missing times where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life.. I don't even know how to have the time of my life. Why do people say that? What is that? How do they know about my life?

(See what I mean? There I go over-thinking my life again...)

All I know is these moments have rules. There's a time for not saying things, there's a time for waiting your turn, and there's a time for being the bigger person and doing what's right for everyone, not just you. There's also a time to hold back. A time where saying exactly what you want and feel is really going to affect someone else in a negative way.

I've recently had THREE encounters with this. None of which I'm going to get into great detail about because I don't have time to explain to the internet the dramas of my life. All I'm going to say is, if I/they/he learned the rules I previously stated, none of this would've happened and I wouldn't be so pissed off right now.

Moral of the story is: watch what you say, don't think with your emotions, and be conscious of other people, you may just add a regret to your list. 

THE END.